Is it OK to flirt?

are we meant to be monogamous

Is it OK to Flirt? 


Is it ever ok to spend time enjoying the thrill of a little flirtatious banter with members of the opposite sex?  How far should it go and where do you draw the line? Is winking allowed? What about a cheeky kiss? What exactly is flirting and when does it cross over into “going too far”. This is an issue which is the cause of many arguments and much enjoyment at the same time…who doesn’t love the thrill of the chase and the naughty fun which can be had from making your partner a teeny bit jealous? The question is what constitutes flirting and when, if ever is it OK?


When flirting is healthy

Flirting can definitely be healthy; ok not in the same way that a bowl of muesli can be healthy but in the sense that it’s good for your self confidence and it’s good for your relationship. It’s quite pleasurable to see your partner is attractive to others, because after all they’re with you aren’t they? You’re the special one; it’s you they’re going home with right?


Gentle flirting can keep the spark alive and allow a long term couple enjoy the company of others without actually causing damage which is all good right? The answer to that is that yes, flirting can be good but there need to be some ground rules too!


Not with HER!

So you’ve decided that yes, you don’t mind at all if your partner indulges in a little light flirting…except with her…that one…the girl you love to hate… your nemesis! We’ve all got one; a rival. She’s often your partners’ ex or sometimes she’s just one of those girls that brings out the green eyed monster in you. If there’s one person that you can’t bear your partner having a flirt with then say so. Don’t suffer in silence, let him know that he’s not making you feel good about your relationship and you’d rather he steered clear of her.


If he’s respectful of you then he’ll agree that she’s out of bounds and if he’s sensible he’ll also admit that she’s no competition anyway!  You don’t need to be so permissive and cool that you’ll allow your partner to run around wildly flirting with all the girls he ever encounters and anyway that would be weird….he’d be more of a pain than a flirt if that were the case! Let him know the ground rules, if you’re comfy with banter but not with physical touch then that’s fine and as it should be.


No touching!

Hugging, kissing, patting and stroking are all taking the flirting a step too close to the boundaries in general. Anyone who is sensible and fair will realise this to be the case and will avoid physical contact when flirting. It’s just not on and it blurs the lines between friendships causing upset as well as jealousy so be clear from the start about touching.


Competitive flirting

This is never good; healthy flirting is just an extension of a fun conversation and can be jokey but if one half of a partnership is not a natural flirt and they feel that they need to perform in order to “keep up” with their partner then this can cause a lot of damage to a relationship and not least because the trust in a relationship can suffer. If your partner is flirting too much then don’t put up with it. Let them know that it hurts your feelings and that you’d like them to put a stop to it.


A reasonable and thoughtful partner will agree to this with no problems; if your partner is not committing to stopping the flirting then it may be time to call time on the relationship.  Talk about your feelings and be open and honest; this will help to avoid long term damage to your relationship.






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