Jealousy: What to do When Emotions Betray Logic

Jealous

Jealousy: What to do When Emotions Betray Logic

 

The green eyed monster is something which all of us have encountered at some time in our lives. First rearing its ugly head in the playground when small children become possessive over their best friends and later when you fall in love it can reduce the most sensible people into wild eyed idiots capable of all kinds of silliness!

 

It can also make the people who suffer from it extremely unhappy. Jealousy is one of those emotions which can cause us to see things in a skewed light, to misinterpret situations and at worst to become rage filled beings that can’t see sense. Your partner says “Hi” to the postman and this immediately becomes “evidence” of a passionate affair…they wink in a friendly manner at the neighbour so of course, it stands to reason they’re planning to elope forthwith and have probably packed their bags already!

 

If you suffer from jealousy or if your partner suffers from jealousy there are a number of issues which must be addressed before things can be rectified…and they don’t include checking for texts from the postman!

 

When you’re the jealous one

If it’s you who is suffering from jealousy you will probably be feeling very unhappy. That’s because jealousy is a leeching type of feeling; it saps the joy out of every situation and can affect you on a day to day basis even when you are not with your partner. So don’t allow yourself to become bogged down…sort yourself out before your jealousy begins to show in your everyday actions…nobody likes a bunny boiler!

 

Rooted in deep seated insecurity, jealousy is at times difficult to understand or recognise because it is not a sensible thing to feel. Your judgement becomes skewed and you can feel wronged or slighted when there is in reality no foundation for your worries at all…so put away your spy kit and get with the picture.

 

Common situations for feeling jealous are those where you and your partner are spending time with others, especially if your partner is someone who is sociable and popular. Having a partner who is fun to be around is sometimes difficult if you are the shy type. It can be hard to see your partner enjoying the company of others and making them laugh if you are insecure.

 

Taking control of jealousy

The first step towards taking control of jealousy is in admitting that you have a problem. If you have ever found yourself remonstrating with your partner for talking to other people then you are someone who needs to get a handle on your emotions. Equally, it’s no good if you’re feeling these things but bottling them up…they’ll come out eventually and probably at exactly the wrong time!

 

Flirting is not usually acceptable in a relationship and this is a separate issue but if your ideas of what constitutes flirting are different to those of your partner then you need to set down some rules.  Discuss them with your other half in a calm and sensible fashion and without tearing your hair out or demanding that they totally stop looking at members of the opposite sex! If your partner simply enjoys meeting new people, chatting and having fun then this is fine and you should not attempt to stop them. Trying to control others will in the end result in the loss of their love and respect as well as your sanity!

 

Look at yourself and try to understand what it is about you that makes you insecure. Your partner chose to be with you for your personality and your looks, doubting that you are as attractive or as fun to be with as others is self destructive. Build your confidence up with positive affirmations about yourself. Tell yourself that you are smart, good looking and fun as often as you can and stop focusing on your shortcomings. If need be, tell yourself that you’re the most gorgeous thing on two legs every single morning.

 

When your partner is the jealous one

Having a jealous partner can be a terribly draining experience and for many people, if the jealous behaviour goes on for too long, it can signal the end of the partnership. The first signs of your relationship suffering due to jealousy often concern your behaviour around other people. You may find yourself avoiding certain people that your partner is jealous of because you don’t want them to get upset or to argue with you.

 

This must be addressed immediately as you should never stop socialising because the jealously of your partner is controlling your personality. Speak honestly to your partner and insist that they change their ways. A jealous partner can be difficult to communicate with at times because they are driven by insecurity but do not allow yourself to be controlled as it will be detrimental to your health and happiness.

 

book under spotlight

Recommended reading…

 

UK

Jealousy: Why it happens and how to overcome it

Jealousy can invade every relationship, whether it be with husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, family or friends. If we love others and need their love in return we can all suffer from the pain of jealousy.

Dr Hauck believes jealousy is a self-defeating emotion which drives away the love we crave. He explains what makes us feel jealous, and shows us how we can control it. He distinguishes between jealousy, envy, possessiveness and suspicion and offers practical advice on how we can overcome these in ourselves and in those we love.

Control Freak: Key Tactics to Deal With A Controlling, Jealous or Demanding Partner

A controlling partner can ruin your life! – This book is here to give you your life back! – It’s a battle plan to give you back a sense of control and direction in your life and relationship – Exit strategy is always an option of course but there are many more steps you can try before deciding to leave – I will show you exactly how to educate your partner to relax, how to reassure them, how to react when they micromanage you, how to behave when you are in public, and so much more! – It’s is very challenging to step in a relationship and realize that your partner is super controlling – It kills your sex drive and desire to even try! – The thing is that you rarely come across tactics you can start implementing straight away – This is what I wanted to give you in this book – Simple steps you can start taking straight away! – I am a pro life coach and I help my clients on topics like this one – I have 2 solid programs on jealousy issues on my site and another title on how to stop fights in your couple – So, I am not a beginner with this – I am sure that armed with the right tactics you can help your partner drop 80% of their controlling patterns + You can regain back the sense of freedom and space that you deserve! – Time to breathe! – This will feel really good, guaranteed!

 

USA

Relationship Saboteurs: Overcoming the Ten Behaviors that Undermine Love

Relationship Saboteurs is an easy-to-follow guide that will help you identify and end your relationship-destroying tendencies once and for all. The book explores the ten most common relationship-undermining behaviors and shows you how to overcome them. By understanding and addressing the patterns that erode romance, you can learn to stop sabotaging your love life and prepare yourself for the healthy romantic relationship you deserve.

Life Without Jealousy: A Practical Guide

Ask yourself…

  • Do you feel the need to be frequently checking up on your partner?
  • Are you suspicious when you meet new people?
  • Do you often question your partner about where they are going and who they are seeing?
  • Do you withdraw from your partner without giving an explanation as to why you doing this?
  • Do you make all of the social arrangements for your partner’s life?
  • Have you ever feigned illness to keep your partner at home?
  • Are you frightened of being unable to survive without your partner?
  • Do you examine on your partner’s phone records, emails, or text messages “just in case”?
  • Do you put your partner down over small details or infractions of agreements?If you answered YES to more than one of these questions, then this book is for you.
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