Should We Divorce?

not speaking after an arguement

Should we Divorce?  

 

Asking yourself “Should we get divorced?” or if you are not married “Should we separate?”  is a very hard position to find yourself in. When you marry, the idea is to stay together through thick and thin so if things have deteriorated so badly that you’re considering divorce, then it’s probably one of the most upsetting times you will ever face in life.

 

How can you be sure that divorce is the only and the right option? What if you’re having a rocky patch which can be smoothed over? What if you regret it after it’s been finalised? These are just some of the questions which will be going round and round in your mind as you contemplate your relationship. One of the best ways to sort out the issues between you and your partner is to take some time apart.

 

It needn’t be a long period of time; sometimes a weekend is plenty, the most important thing is to gain a little space for you both to think and to have a chance to miss one another. If you’re spending all day arguing then a break from one another’s company can at times be all that is needed to clear things in your mind.

 

There are also some important questions to ask yourself before you bring up the subject of divorce with your spouse.

  • Is the relationship abusive? Have you or your partner ever hurt one another physically?
  • Is there a third party involved…or is one half of the partnership having an affair?
  • Is one partner addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling?

 

If you have answered yes to any of the above questions but you still want to save the marriage, then it is very important that you seek outside help. A marriage guidance councillor can be of enormous assistance for even the biggest problems. The only stipulation is that both partners must be committed to change; it’s of no use whatsoever if only one partner wants to seek help but the other does not…because when serious issues are involved, people can get badly hurt and you must look after your own physical and mental health.

Find a Couples Counselor in USA here

Find a Couples Counsellor in UK here

 

 

If the issues which you and your spouse are facing are not as serious as domestic abuse, substance abuse or affairs, then the chances are that you can work through your difficulties and save your marriage without the assistance of a counsellor.

 

Saving your marriage!

The first steps to take are as already mentioned; put some physical space between both partners. Take a holiday apart or visit relatives or friends; agree together that the time will be used to evaluate the marriage. Both partners should agree to write down ten good things about their other-half and when you reunite at the end of the break, share the positive thoughts together over a special meal. You can do this in the privacy of your own home or you can do it in a lovely restaurant. The important thing is that you must both agree to celebrate one another and to refuse to disagree.

 

Don’t sweat the small stuff!

Another important thing to remember about marriage is that some things are simply not worth arguing about. It’s a case of “don’t sweat the small stuff”. If you find yourself getting into regular petty disagreements with one another about things which really don’t affect you that  badly then it’s time to re-think your philosophy. Who did the washing up last might seem huge when you’ve come back from work and you’re tired only to find a sink full of dirty dishes, but really…what does it matter? They can be done in the morning and the world will still turn…allow one another the luxury of being lazy now and then but equally, think about those little ways in which you can make one another’s life easier. Make your partner’s packed lunch now and then…and let them know you’d appreciate the same courtesy from time to time.

 

Think twice before you act!

This means taking the time to consider what you’re about to do or say on a daily basis. If it’s not kind, wise or helpful then don’t say it! Speak well of one another and bolster one another’s confidence but don’t forget that you are ultimately responsible for your own self esteem so work on your own personal development too. When you feel good about yourself, your partner will do too!

 

Divorce is a hard thing to go through, it can be traumatic and upsetting so think twice before throwing the idea out in the open. Work with your partner to stay in a good place emotionally and physically and your marriage could be forever.

 

Learn how you can  Save your marriage.  Stop relationship troubles in their tracks. Visit Save My Marriage Today where you can access a free 6 part mini course which helps people understand how our behaviour can lead to a destructive marriage, and how little tweaks can save you from divorce.

 

 

 

 

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